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Download e-book for iPad: 5,000 Great One Liners by Grant Tucker

By Grant Tucker

ISBN-10: 1849544824

ISBN-13: 9781849544825

Whether informed within the rugby golf equipment of Wales or the gentlemen's golf equipment of London, their sharpness and straightforwardness unites us all. brief, candy and wickedly shrewdpermanent, they carry a unique position within the annals of comedy, and because the upward push of Twitter heralds a resurrection of the artwork shape, there turns out no larger time to rejoice the immortal one-liner. during this e-book, provide Tucker does simply that, bringing jointly 5,000 of the funniest one-liners ever advised in a single definitive quantity. Laugh-out-loud humorous, 5,000 nice One-Liners has all of the quips, zingers, puns and wisecracks you will ever want – and a complete lot extra.

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Extra info for 5,000 Great One Liners

Example text

I’m sick of all the shit on the TV these days. Although it’s probably my fault for putting the birdcage there in the first place. My girlfriend said that I’m annoying. I was so stunned I stopped poking her. My missus says she hates the way I narrate every situation, and here she comes now. I was enjoying a brilliant singalong last night, until I was asked to leave the opera. Chickens: the only animals you eat before they’re born and after they’re dead. My wife says I exaggerate the amount of time I work so that I don’t have to spend time with her.

Before I go home from work, I always make sure that I turn everything off. Which is probably why I lost my job as a doctor. If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age. My electrician mate accidentally blew the power to the ice-cube factory next door. The company has gone into liquidation. I told my wife not to turn her head away after giving me a blowjob, but she didn’t listen. It went in one ear and out the other. If you’re using public transport, never give up your seat to an old lady.

It gives me the E-B-G-Bs. I met a French guy on holiday and he forced me to start drinking and smoking. Bloody Pierre Pressure. My wife texted me after a row to say I was very condescending. To be honest I was surprised she could spell it. In prison, I dropped the soap in the shower. I was so scared about all the stories, I was shitting myself… Put them right off. I took the wife bungee jumping. ’ If a fat kid falls in the forest, and there’s no one around to see it, is it still hilarious? Last night a hypnotist convinced me I was a soft, malleable metal with an atomic number of eighty-two.

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5,000 Great One Liners by Grant Tucker

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